Never Say Fuck You to Susan Sarandon (If you are a black woman on Twitter)

Now as many who interact me may know, I can be a sarcastic and comedic person in my twitter jeremiads. At times I will make a joke, poem, or yes, even a graphic to express my feelings on issues. One of the issues included in my daily diatribes is the fact that I have VERY STRONG FEELINGS about anyone who I feel drove voters away from the Democratic party, and this nation into the clutches of Donald Trump.

On a lovely autumn day while the flora was transitioning from the deep verdant greens of summer, to the fiery foliage of Fall, I found myself once again deeply irritated at ‘those who gave us Trump’. As one who considers herself a poet, a mediocre Artist, and a world class champion in the art of saying ‘Fuck You!’, I opened up my Safari browser and got to work. I chose photos (good shots, only the best for my memes) and decided on nine individuals to grace my Canva collage. Alas, I had forgotten to say ‘Fuck You!’ a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON; and I was made aware of that fact by my Twitter Allies. How could I have forgotten such a lovely and esteemed hater of Hillary over Trump as Susan Sarandon herself? Oh she of the ‘vote with my vagina’ insanity, she of the ‘they are both the SAME!’ canard, I had to rectify this situation posthaste.

As much as I loved my original ‘Fuck You!’ collage, I found that I really did want to make up for my failure at including Sue. I slaved for another twenty minutes. I chose only the best photos, no objectifying, no looking for candid shots of her in a stressful situation, no! Only the best for my memes. After arranging her into a three by three collage, much like Hollywood squares, I thought, I congratulated myself. She looked lovely. I already knew which variations of ‘Fuck You!’ to use, I just swiped most of them from my previous piece. But I needed to make sure the words had aesthetic appeal, as they are now arranged atop Queen Susan. Another ten minutes choosing colors for the type was time well spent. I hurried to show my twitterfriends my magnificent Creation.

La! We enjoyed that poster ever so much the first day! We spoke of coffee mugs, t-shirt and shower curtain, Susan would be pleased, I was sure. And she was. She typed off a quick tweet to me in appreciation of the apology to my followers; I am sure she saved my graphic. It really brought out her eyes. Then the Suepocalypse began. Her fans swarmed, they attacked, they were ‘personally offended’ and they knew that I had strayed from my ‘place’. A few ‘fat black bitches’ later, and my puzzlement turned to anger. How dare they? My weight and skin color should not be an impediment to saying ‘Fuck You!’ to a Wealthy White Woman! Should it? No, I decided. This is 2017, black women can say ‘Fuck You!’ to a Wealthy White Woman without all of the ‘anti capitalist’ revolution conducting a high tech lynching. Easy to ignore me, and besides, they would soon stop trying to be tools of one percenter, Susan Sarandon, who was probably picking out ballgowns and not even noticing their dedication to her honor. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Many defended me. The Daily Banter tried to help, only to be bullied mercilessly. Bet.com tried to step in, but that only fueled the fire of self righteousness in their breasts. ‘How dark that BLACK WOMAN say ‘Fuck You!’ to QUEEN SUSAN?’, is what I imagined they raged. I was to told get a job, be a real activist (standing with a stupid sign in Sears parking lot does not count!! Neither does advocating for causes online, shut up black lady.), and to stop being angry about being black and try to become a wealthy woman myself.

I tried not to think of Miss Sofia. But having seen the film no less than 1,000 times, (I have it on my Ipad) I could not help but hearing ‘Hell naw!’. I was comforted by the fact that they could not actually reach out and touch me. The masses of notifications telling me what a horrible black beast grew by the hour. They alerted every comment. They accused me of BULLYING THE ENTIRE BERNIE SANDERS REVOLUTION. By myself. Well, I considered that a compliment, but I had to remind them that they were coming to me.

As things stand, you won’t catch a glimpse of me on Twitter this week. I was suspended for calling a man a ‘bad teacher’, which I know sounds worse than ‘fat black bitch’ but things that black people say always sound and look much worse than they are. But I will always remember my high tech lynching. And I will remember that I am lucky that mine was merely online. Our ancestors were not so lucky when they fixed their lips to ‘Sass’ a white lady. I remain Uppity Queen Bravenak. And guess what? Fuck Susan Sarandon. Really, Fuck Sue.